


You're Not What I Asked For

by TheDevilWithin3



Series: Animatic One-Shots / Mostly Lams [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Suicide, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:40:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23955484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDevilWithin3/pseuds/TheDevilWithin3
Summary: This one-shot is from an animatic by stariitea. The song is called "He Used to Be Mine" from the Waitress, covered by Caio Loki. Amazing artwork and amazing voices from Caio. Check that out.SUMMARY: Alexander Hamilton loved John Laurens. He loved his smile. He loved his laugh. Alexander Hamilton misses loving John. He misses his smile. He misses his laugh.Now Alexander Hamilton has someone new. She's not what he asked for.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: Animatic One-Shots / Mostly Lams [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662829
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	You're Not What I Asked For

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd write another one-shot instead of adding to one of my three stories, none of which I have finished. I really have to learn what priorities are.

"Hamilton, are you even listening to me?" Poor Aaron Burr was struggling to get the attention of his friend, who was once again drowning his words out with his own mind. But there was something different this time. Hamilton had a gleam to his eye that made his face seem younger. Happier. "What are you even looking at?" Burr looked across the room in the public library they were supposed to be studying at. All they accomplished were how good they were are arguing and that Alexander had a serious coffee addiction, and he wasn't even supposed to have any liquids in the library, the librarian made that very clear the past fifty times they'd come there. 

"Hm?" Alex asked, still dazed. Burr couldn't see what he was looking at, he was just staring at the entrance and pretty much watering his mouth off. 

"What are you ogling at?" Burr asked again. This time Alex blinked and turn to his friend, who had a blank expression. "It's kinda getting weird." 

Alex snorted and looked down at his book he was supposed to be reading. "Nothing. Just think the weather is nice, isn't it?" Burr looked skeptical but rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, it is..." he muttered, going back to his laptop and typing up some paper that was due in three weeks. The two were silent for fifteen minutes until Burr heard Alex mutter something and look up. Once again, his friend was staring at the entrance of the building. But this time there was something to actually stare at. There entered Charles Lee and a guy who was a bit shorter. He had reddish, curly hair, and it was sort of long. Burr couldn't tell from his seat, but the kid had freckles all over his face. Burr looked over to Alex again and saw that he was tense, and was about to stand up before Burr grabbed his arm and shoved him back in his seat. 

"The fuck you doing?" Burr asked quietly. There was no way he was going to let Alex go through with whatever his plan was. "Are you seriously about to pound Charles Lee in a public library? For no apparent reason?" Alex had already done that once. It didn't end well. One week suspension for both him and Lee. Charles Lee was a ruthless guy who thought he ruled town. He was known for being a complete dick and using his money to flaunt it on other students. 

"I wasn't going to kill him," Alex retorted. "Chill. I was just wanting to see if I could get a closer look on that kid." Burr looked up at the pair and saw that they were at the computer area now. Charles was sitting in a seat, but the other guy was just standing there awkwardly. 

"I noticed him. I haven't seem him around before," Burr noted.

Alex nodded and tensed again. "He's new according to some gossip. Seems as if Lee has already found a use for him though." That got Burr interested. Charles was also known as someone who didn't take no as an answer, which never ended well. If this new guy was under Lee's control, he might as well drop out. 

"That's not good for him," Burr commented. "You know his name?" Alex shook his head and stood up when Charles Lee left his computer and made his way to the study group, the freckled kid following behind. 

"Hello, Hamilton," Lee snarled, looking Alex up and down with disgust. Burr glared at his peer and then looked at the new kid. He didn't seem scared or worried, but maybe he just didn't know what he was in yet. "What brings you two nerds to the library?" 

Alex smirked and looked at the books sprawled on their table. "Studying for the tests coming up. Something you should do. What about you?" Burr intervened. 

"Who's the new kid?" 

It was Charles' turn to smirk. He looked over his shoulder where the new kid joined him at his side. "This here is Johnny boy, said he found some cool movies in this library when he first got here." Johnny smiled and looked to Alex and Burr. 

"Yep. I'm John Laurens," he said cheerfully. "Nice to meet you two. The school's really great so far." Alex rolled his eyes and ignored John's comment. 

"What'd you do, Charles?" he asked. "You already use him as a puppet?" Hearing this, John seemed to be taken aback. 

"Pardon, but what are you talking about?" John asked slowly. Charles interrupted him and whispered something into his ear. Alex didn't have time for his games though. 

"We all know you're just using the new kid as a new fuck toy, isn't that right?" Burr immediately grabbed Alex's arm in attempt to make him stop talking, which worked, but not until after the words found their way to John's eyes. The kid immediately paled and hesitantly looked up at Lee, who was just scowling at the other two.

John stepped away from Lee cautiously and was fully pulled away by Burr, who seemed to pick up how scared John was. "What is he talking about?" John asked quietly, but Burr ignored him and stepped up to Lee. 

"I think you should leave," he said lowly. Alex was one step away from completely punching the lights out of Lee, but he didn't have to. Luckily Lee knew he wasn't welcomed turned to leave, not before taking one look at John. 

"I'll text you, sexy," he smirked seductively. Then left. Burr immediately loosened his grip on Alex's arm and turned to John, who was still pale. 

"Are you okay?" Burr asked, looking John in the eyes, which were glazed with tears. But then the kid blinked and the tears were suddenly gone. John immediately untensed and stepped away from the pair, who were looking at him strangely. Alex noticed how quickly he was able to compose himself. 

"I'm fine," John replied quickly. He look another look at Alex before sprinting out of the library. He slammed open the glass doors and bolted out into town. He ran until he couldn't breath. He eventually stopped at a bench on the side of the road. _Breath in an out, Jack, in and out. Don't be such a fucking pussy._ Suddenly John had a desperation to go to his dorm and lock himself in a bathroom. He thought he escaped them went he went to college. But no, people would never stop treating him as a dirty object. Never. He couldn't believe he was actually going to be friends with Charles Lee... 

"John!" a voice called. John looked up upon hearing his name and saw one of the guys from the library running towards him. "We're sorry about Charles." John took a step back from the guy with wide eyes. 

"It's fine," he said hoarsely. "Who are you?" The stranger cleared his throat and smiled. 

"My name is Alexander Hamilton," he introduced himself. "And I'm still really sorry about that dick." John waved him off and looked down. 

"Like I said, don't mention it," he said with a tight smile. Then felt a new wave of fear wash over him. "Really, don't." The stranger, Alex, nodded in understanding and stepped a bit closer. 

"My friend back there is Aaron Burr," he offered. "He's really nice, and so am I." The end of that sentence sounded like he was trying to convince himself that, but John let it slide. He took another breath and looked up at Alex, who still had a smile. 

"That's good to know." Then John smiled back. And with that one smile, Alex knew he was in love. He didn't care what anyone else said. He was in fucking love. After Alex explained who Charles Lee really was, he invited John to join him and Burr at the library to study for some classes, and John accepted that offer. He accepted that offer every time Alex offered it. Which became a weekly thing. Soon enough, John was just as close to Alex and Burr as Alex and Burr were to each other. Everything was going perfect. Charles Lee never bothered John, and Alex was happy. He was glad that he was able to help a kid who was about to go down the wrong path. 

Alex learned a bunch of things from John. He learned that John's dad was a dick, but the rest of his family was really nice, despite his mother dying from a sickness when John was young. Alex learned that John was also really tough, and didn't like to show any weakness. He learned that when John eventually got punched from a guy on campus after he pretended to hit on him, who was he to know he would be a complete homophobe? John was on the ground, bleeding his nose out, but he still had a bright smile. "Do you reckon I'll get suspended?" Even though it was a serious question, John didn't seem too worried. He was tough that way. Oh, and from that fight Alex also learned that John was gay, but like, no deal... it wasn't like it gave him a bigger chance or anything. Definitely not, he wasn't freaking out about it. 

But overall, everything was going great. Life was going great. Alex was in love with his best friend and he didn't even care. He was happy. Alex didn't care... until he did. One day after classes Alex went to visit John in his dorm and opened the door without knocking. John's roommate was barely there, so it wasn't any trouble. It wasn't any trouble until that day. Alex opened that door and saw his best friend, crying on his bed, his shirt crumpled on the floor and bruises all over. 

"John?" Alex said warily. He entered the room and closed the door, then rushed over to his friend. He didn't know if he was supposed to touch him, comfort him, or anything. He had no clue what to do. Alex felt tears prick his eyes as he called Burr, telling him to come to John's door immediately. "John? Are you okay? What happened?" He didn't expect an answer, but he got one. John slowly turned on his side and his eyes met Alex's.

"I thought it would be fine..." he said brokenly. He reached his hand out to grab Alex's, who reached forward too. 

"What happened?" 

"Charles..." Alex stiffened. The fucking dick. "He said everything would be fine... he said I'd be fine. He said that once it was over I wouldn't regret it." Alex tightened his grip on John's hand and leaned closer. 

"John?" he said quietly. "Did Lee... did he... did-" Alex couldn't finish the question. It hurt him too much. He didn't need to though, John understand. 

"I told him to stop..." John whispered. "I told him so many times... I thought he would listen. I thought he cared... it hurt so much, 'Lex..." Alex felt the tears running down his cheek as he went to hug his friend, who at first pulled away from the embrace, but then was shaking in Alex's arms, crying about everything. 

Burr arrived five minutes later, took one look at the scene, and called the police. That whole week was a wreck. It took a while to get Lee to confess, but the campus must've been fed up with his bullshit and eventually turned in their stories of him, how he would assault anyone he thought seemed fit. Who he thought deserved it.

John wasn't alright after that. He stopped eating. His grade lowered, causing his father to call him every day to tell him what a disgraceful son he was. Alex always hung up on the bastard after John started having issues breathing. Alex had talked to the school to convince them to let him switch dorms with John's roommate. They did once they learned of his story. So Alex was kept up all night, hearing John screaming for help or crying. One night, he slept with John, in hopes it would help. It didn't. Alex woke up again when he heard John crying. 

"It's okay John," Alex whispered, hugging John tightly. "You're alright." 

Despite all the support that he got, John never got better. He eventually went to therapy, where all he ever did was insult his therapist with crude words. He stopped being his kind self. He started being abrasive and making snarky comments to everyone. Burr couldn't count one day without John calling him a suck-up prick. Alex couldn't remember the last time John looked at him and smiled, a true smile. 

Then something amazing happened. John came back to his dorm one day, and Alex looked up at him, expecting a crude comment. But instead. He got a whole speech from John, saying how sorry he was for all his bullshit, and how no one deserved his negativity, and how everyone would just be better without him. Alex was about to stop his friend from pulling himself down when John crossed the room, grabbed Alex's face, and kissed him. 

That night... that night Alex truly believed John would get better. 

The next morning the police were called from a senior student. John Laurens was found dead in the boys bathroom, surrounded in a pool of blood. He had no note, no explanation to why he did it. That's when Alex realized, that whole speech the night before, that _was_ John's note. And he only told it to Alex. 

Alexander Hamilton opened his eyes and looked around. He saw his friends, looking at him with pride. He saw Aaron Burr pulling out a tissue and handing it to his girlfriend, who was already crying. He looked over to the other side of the chairs and saw Peggy Schuyler giving him a thumbs up with her perky smile and her fluffy hair. He looked to the right of Peggy to see Angelica Schuyler looking at him fondly, tears in her eyes. Then Alex looked in front of him, where Eliza Schuyler was wearing the most beautiful dress, making her look absolutely stunning. He saw how her eyes were filled with love, how her cheeks were blushed red, the determination set on her face. Alex blinked and he swore he saw his John Laurens smiling at him with the freckles on his face, his curly hair bouncing along with his body in excitement. Then he was gone. Alex looked at Eliza once more before smiling. It wasn't what he asked for, far from it... but he would settle for it. 

"I do." 

"With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it all seems a little rushed, I'm really awkward with transitions in these short stories. Also, no Hercules and Lafayette, sorry. D: 
> 
> Any questions on the plot just ask and I'll try to answer them. To help a little, the whole story is John is sort of a memory that Alex is having, showing it in an actual scene. It's kinda confusing? Ask away though! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Comments are welcome.


End file.
